Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
