Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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