ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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