If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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