also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?