your room smells of hookers.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck