It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH