So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after