A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
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By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.