Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work