Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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