Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you