Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Where are you guys?
Drunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
