i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?