Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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