I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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