the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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