I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
