i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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