I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
