and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
