we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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