Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize