This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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