i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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