I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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