i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
