I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
