And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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