you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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