tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The Olympian is in my bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
