And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
