Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize