i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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