I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
