just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Drake has all the answers
My life is pants optional.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
