Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
