Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sober January is a disaster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
