Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
