there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
