This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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