He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
