You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
