my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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