theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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