anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
