Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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