3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
