Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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