at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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