I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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