I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
