Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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