Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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