dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
