Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
