I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
