Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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