his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize