Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
