i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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