We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
