I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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