Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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