either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
