do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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